Life is easy, made difficult by people. With so much you wish to do with your one life, you strive for one thing above all else; validation. When you’re born, you simply want what you want as you look upon all things with new eyes. Trying to attain, and obtain those things becomes our goal in life. As we age beyond being toddlers, we do not change much, but do learn we want our guardians to look favorably upon us. We want to be validated.
Of course nuance takes a grand level in all of this, and yet, whether we use the attention gained to validate negative, neutral, or positive behavior, relies solely upon if the people we seek it from, acknowledges the motive behind our actions. A few examples of this would be children who seek attention and nothing more whilst playing with their blocks, trucks, figures, blankets, friends, and such, only to routinely hear their caretakers speak ill of a group of people. At some point, the caretaker will use the young one to live vicariously and that retains the parents desire to be validated.
The child may wish for one thing and the parent another. When the child speaks within the parameters of the parent, the parent then rewards the child with what it wants. Both individuals have been validated, and this becomes the birth of ill-mindedness. As the child ages with no critical thinking and stays within a certain circle of friends befitting the teachings of the parent, a circle of validation begins.
This brings in tribalism. Tribalism has synonyms such as, “Clubs”, “Groups”, “Like-mindedness”, etc. Tribalism can be a positive thing if the goal to be gained revolves around innocuous ideas, movements, and long and short term goals. When tribalism and validation become married, then the creation of an echo-chamber begins. Echo-chambers are inherently anything until their use has been properly identified.
By the time something like this has been identified, the former child now adult has been bathed in such rhetoric with false or dubious confirmation bias that the questions one must ask are either null-and-void or silenced by displays of ire by the company now kept. The ire itself become validated with severe anger and vocalized rage at the groups’ intended target or targets. This display indirectly forced down any rising queries and maintains order among the ranks.
When order and hierarchy establishes itself, the person indoctrinated or joined with the group finds her or himself invalid. The invalidated person slowly and assuredly becomes the hidden danger within the group. The group spoken of maintains a nihilistic persona due to not having any known goals or ideals by the author. This place could be negative, neutral, or positive. In all places like this, validation, hierarchy, chains of command, tiny cliques and such are present.
All of these things happen due to the invalid people searching for something to hold on to within a group where they find themselves unimportant, or worse; part of the numbers. These people become feathers on wings; highly needed but not thought of. Because of this, the person now sulks inside faced with finding a sub-group to join, or becoming so jaded with the situation they begin to research what they are a part of, and join that with what they do know and are allowed to know to make certain choices.
Self-validation becomes the only recourse. They think heavily of what they could do to bring the place down, expose certain things, reveal secrets, and depending upon if this person’s base character, a new level of validation takes hold. These can result in aggrandizing of oneself and/or the group this person may have formed to take down the neglectful group. Another result could be climbing certain ranks, and taking over the organization through a varying means.
No matter what comes of anything, during our life in a relationship of any type or magnitude, we seek validation. Validation is not hard at all. How we validate can be what makes everything poisonous. For a brief example, you are part of a company and are a grunt-worker. You have an idea that would make things better, safer, easier, and increase quality. You want to talk to the owner of the company. The first recognizable feat becomes that of being allowed to begin finding out who owns it. Will your manager tell you, or say, “Tell me what it is, and I will pass it on”? Those words are only deceptive and must never be trusted. However, what if you do know who runs it all and you want to take audience with her or him. This happens: “Are you important enough to be spoken with?”
That is toxic because it invalidates your own self-worth, and even though you do get to see the company owner, this person will want to know everything about you; albeit on the spot or a file rendered before you enter the office. People in charge have offices. All other have rooms. That is another term of invalidation and humiliation. Let’s say this CEO listens to you and likes what you have to say. The possible outcomes could be disastrous. A part of your idea could be used to hurt everyone on your level, or those who purchase the product, and if a backlash happens, your name will be on the suggestion. The idea could the best thing for the company and yet, the issue would be that it costs a lot of money to implement the idea, so everyone takes a pay cut to see it come to fruition. The idea could be perfect for the company, but you never get credit, and thus, if you speak to anyone that you came up with it, you then take on the crazy person in movies who know the truth but no one believes. The best thing could happen. It works, the company does well, and you are promoted. The worst and most common thing often happens. Before you set foot in the door, you were rejected because, “I don’t care to listen to anything some grunt worker has to say.”
These things happened currently happens, and will happen in years to come. Most CEO’s now say, “This doesn’t happen much because we have a high-priced team doing research so no grunt worker has to come to the office,” and, “Though we never thought of that idea, we will ensure the worker than plans to implement such an idea are already in place, so there’s no need to worry.”
Briefly speaking, these things happen in domestic relationships all the time. Something simple as coming home from any form of outing, walking past your loved one and talking about your day, and not simply taking the time to look at that person and say, “I missed you,” followed by a hug and kiss. We often neglect those we love, are friends with and such and that takes place under two banners; complacency, and trying to validate ourselves before moving onward to other things.
In closing, to validate someone we simply need to remove being validated, and express their validity as a person, and then what title they take on such as lover, husband, partner, worker, manager, and such. Make sure the person comes before the title, and I’m sure, if we can do that, then via byproduct, we teach equal validation and will be recognized with true due credit. No reward should be needed to validate anyone over anything, because we are worth a lot more than money, plaques, and passive well-wishes.
Thank you for reading.