Member-only story
“I Feared Having Sex Before I Was Old Enough To Go After It”
“I Feared Having Sex Before I was Old Enough to go After It”
I first started having sexual thoughts when I was around 9-years-of age. I didn’t know what went where, but know something went somewhere. I recall having erections nearly all day, and not knowing what to do about it. I never heard too much anti-masturbation rhetoric, or god is against self pleasure. The only thing stopping me was a lack of knowledge, vocabulary, and example.
Eventually, the sensation went away and I never noticed. Life just went on until about 5th grade. There was this girl named Mariam, and while she was not super pretty, or anything, she fit this mold of something I wanted. I didn’t know what it was, so I just watched her. She played sports, stood upright, and was not sorry for anything unless she caused undue harm to someone. Her stance, her expression, and her glasses just did something for me. I was shy near her and she never knew I existed. That lasted for a week and though I got used to her, I found myself even more mesmerized.
I didn’t understand a damn thing, and I was angry about it. I was so angry I could think straight. I wanted answer but didn’t know who to turn to. I wanted to know what was it about her from mid thigh to navel down that made me get hard enough to shed tears. Then, I stumbled onto…
